Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

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Doctor Turn
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Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby Doctor Turn » Fri Feb 02, 2018 8:52 am

I had to start a new thread just so I could feature the breathtaking stupidity of this article. It's called The 5 types of guitars you should never buy

It starts out decent enough:
1. Any guitar with an acrylic body
These guitars are commonly known as "see-through" because you can literally see right through the transparent material. The acrylic will usually be "ice" clear (shown right), red, blue, orange, yellow or green. An acrylic-bodied guitar is one of the worst you could ever own. Why? Three reasons.

Acrylic does absolutely nothing for tone or sustain no matter what anyone says.
The body is unbelievably heavy. Even heavier than a 1970s Les Paul. It's absolutely required to wear a well-padded guitar strap if you dare play this thing standing up.
No guitar player has ever said that they prefer an acrylic body. That has never happened in the history of electric guitars, and never will.
Do not buy an acrylic-bodied guitar. Stay away from these things.


Then it dives headfirst into "pretty dumb."
2. Steinberger Spirit
While not all Steinberger Spirit guitars are in the squared-off "broom shape" as you see in the photo at right, most are.

Is the Spirit a good guitar? Yes it is. Does it sound good? Yes it does. Does it play well? Again, yes. So what's the problem? It looks like an unfinished toy. The Spirit guitar has never been able to shake this stigma. As good as the guitar is (and it truly is good), people just never got used to the design.

If you want something from Steinberger that's cool, get the Synapse Demon instead. It's headless, but could very well be the ultimate metal baritone guitar with it's 28-5/8" scale length, EMG pickups and monster crunch-ability.


He then closes with a flourish of breathtaking stupidity:
4. Fender Esquire
All guitar players not familiar with the Esquire all say the same thing upon first seeing one:

"Hey, cool Telecaster! Why is it missing the neck pickup?"

Yeah, that pretty much sums up the Esquire. If you thought the Telecaster was as simple as an electric guitar could get, the Esquire has even less to it.

From a historical point of view, yes the Esquire came first before the Broadcaster which became the Telecaster and that's why it exists. Yes, Fender still makes the Esquire. No, they're not Custom Shop order only. You can buy a "plain" one (as if it could get any plainer) new right now. Should you? No, you shouldn't. You'll always be thinking, "Geez, I should have bought a Telecaster..."

Buy a Telecaster instead.

Double-Neck Guitar5. Any double-neck guitar
The double-neck guitar has always been a very, very stupid idea. They are extremely heavy, difficult to play, usually sound awful, take forever to string up, are a serious bitch to maintain, and the list goes on and on.

The only purpose for the double-neck is that it looks cool on stage, and that's it because as a studio guitar it's horrible.

Just about every guitar company has built a double-neck and continue to churn these pieces of crap out once every few years as special models, mainly because hardly anyone ever buys one and guitar stores have a very difficult time selling them. Anyone who does buy one of these monstrosities usually only uses it on stage to basically say, "Hey, look at me! I'm playing a double-neck!" Whatever. And yeah, it does get attention, but that's its sole purpose in life, and that's what makes it worthless as a real instrument.


The Broadcaster comment is absurd as first of all, Broadcasters are awesome, and secondly, it's a slap at every one pickup guitar that has a two pickup option. The standard HHIX, a jazzbox with a floater and no bridge pup. A Les Paul Junior, EVH's Kramer style Frankens.

Then... onward to his final flourish.

. . . eh.. "The only purpose for the double-neck is that it looks cool on stage, and that's it because as a studio guitar it's horrible."??

I guess he's never, at the very least, heard, pondered, or saw a live version of what it only about the most endlessly regurgitated rock song of all time, Stairway To Heaven. And thus the need to switch off between two different necks, by the same musician, within the same song.
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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby wickid » Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:09 am


Regarding the acrylic guitar.
I've got 2. :lol:
But they are HEAVY!!
The tone is very much like a dense maple body. But not dead at all.
The (other) bad things about them are - my Univox - VERY old, has some sort of wood fixed bridge. Like an acoustic. Very un-adjustable.
Common to both - the bolt neck attachment. They are more like rivets, with no screw slots, just smooth. And the necks are very unstable due to the weight of the body, I suppose. They do not stay in tune well.
The Dillion actually has pretty decent p/ups, and I think is a Gibby scale ...and a 24 fretter. If it weren't for that weight / neck thing, it could almost give a good run for my 80s DC. 8)
When I 1st saw pix of it, I thought it had a sort of PRSish "bevel" in the top, but in real life, I think that's just the body / tummy carve on the back.

Image

Image

Oh yeah, these get played like ... never! :lol: Just a novelty. The Uni sits under a bed at my folx house, I don't even have it here. But looking at those p/ups ??? P90s or similar ??? odd positioning. :think: (THAT would be cool, and didn't even realize until now what I might have in that.)

(...Just showin' and tellin' here. 8) )


But the other stuff was really dumb in what you quoted.
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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby Doctor Turn » Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:29 am

And of course Keef in his dopesoaked prime can make that Dan Armstrong look (and sound, since they have a great PAF'y bridge crunch sound) super kool.

Image

Yeah his Steinberger commentary, his Broadcaster and dubneck blurbs are about as dumb as they come: "Take my childish and primitive views," waves hand across the room like a chivalrous knight, "And please make them your own!"
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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby ElfDude » Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:09 am

Doctor Turn wrote:
I guess he's never, at the very least, heard, pondered, or saw a live version of what it only about the most endlessly regurgitated rock song of all time, Stairway To Heaven. And thus the need to switch off between two different necks, by the same musician, within the same song.


Not to mention Mike Rutherford or Geddy Lee switching between bass and guitar parts in the same song.
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Doctor Turn
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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby Doctor Turn » Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:53 pm

Exactly. And there are so many other less known, but still quite creative examples, like El Ten Eleven who Jeff likes (and plays a vintage Carvin APH driven Guitar-Bass DN, and is named after my favorite airliner):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuHwa4Ga5OI
Carvin Weaponry:
1985 DC150K (koa) Stereo, M22N/M22SD w/black hardware.
1985 100 Watt X Amp 2 x 12 combo (XV212) upgraded w/ 2 Vintage 30's
...and other gear.

https://soundcloud.com/the_heavy_clouds

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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby Cynical » Sat Feb 03, 2018 5:50 pm

I can't believe you skipped over him slamming the classic 10-string Bich. Those are such cool guitars -- doubling up the top four strings while keeping the bottom two undoubled gives you a thicker lead tone while staying tight on the bottom, and all of those switching options give it some incredible tonal versatility.

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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby Snoogans » Mon Feb 05, 2018 4:46 am

Hang on, did he miss out on Floyd Rose bridges and pointy headstocks?
The first rule of clueless-guitar-snob journalism is to slag those off!

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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby Doctor Turn » Mon Feb 05, 2018 11:40 am

Cynical wrote:I can't believe you skipped over him slamming the classic 10-string Bich. Those are such cool guitars -- doubling up the top four strings while keeping the bottom two undoubled gives you a thicker lead tone while staying tight on the bottom, and all of those switching options give it some incredible tonal versatility.


Yeah I was going to, but to be totally honest...

.. I was going to include it, but didn't include it in my first copy/paste while writing the post because of the fact that I never played that model before, and don't know how to write about it without doing some research. I think, to be honest, the only Rich I'd ever played in my life was a Mockingbird Koa way back in the day (nice sound btw, I always always think of Rick Derringer when I think of that axe).

I was going to write about what I did know (the dubnecks, the headless, etc) then paste in his bit about the Bich, and just make some cursory statements about it being too much for the writers feeble mind... but honestly.. I totally forgot it was in the article when I finished the parts I wrote and I just hit [submit].
Carvin Weaponry:
1985 DC150K (koa) Stereo, M22N/M22SD w/black hardware.
1985 100 Watt X Amp 2 x 12 combo (XV212) upgraded w/ 2 Vintage 30's
...and other gear.

https://soundcloud.com/the_heavy_clouds

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Re: Bad Music Journalism/Articles/Columns

Postby UnexplodedCow » Thu Feb 08, 2018 2:01 pm

I read that article about a year ago, and wrote the author off as a bit of a mental tart.

Lucite/acrylic/plexiglas (whatever you wanna call it) is a pretty solid building material. Heavy, yes, but dimensionally stable. I think POM/acetal/Delrin (or even HDPE) would make for a fun choice for guitar, especially if in white; nylon, too. As for tone; if one is to argue that wood matters, then sure, acrylic matters, but how about those Steinbergers that used graphite, or resin-based designs? Misinformation, in my opinion, is at the heart of the opinion.

What about aluminum-necked guitars, such as Travis Bean built ones? Did they also have bad tone? Not that I've heard. To dig a little deeper down the rabbit hole, I'll mention the Ovation UK-II, which was an aluminum frame covered in urethane foam (Urelite), and had a bolted/bonded mahogany neck. Those guitars are straight up killer, and uncommon. They're a "if you see one, buy it" sort of thing.

Taking it into the modern era; the Parker Fly. Wood covered in graphite or carbon fiber (I forget which). Did they suck? Heck no! I love alternate materials, and have always wanted an acrylic guitar. BC Rich has made some with an acrylic headstock, but much like Gibson, it tends to break. Still, a very neat idea.

I'm surprised the Bass VI wasn't mentioned/panned, or even the "dreaded" vibrato from a Jaguar/Jazzmaster for that matter.

Also, who cares what a guitar looks like? To me, it's a tool, and thusly has a function. If it's comfortable, and functions reasonably well to my liking, then I could not care less about the looks, and have used supremely beat-up guitars for my uses that had perfect function.
We are entitled to our own, wrong, opinions.

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